jerkenglish:

apparently my frikcking seven year old cousin made a club at school called the “no friends club” and basically everyone who doesnt have friends sits together at lunch holy shit hes going to be the next leader of the free world 

(Source: davebowie, via sorry)

lumos5001:

pokatris:

not-team-rocket:

freddieboychilton:

chiltonomics:

I’m watching Spiderman 2 and it’s only me and one guy in the theater. This is the closest to a date I’ve ever gotten.

start moving closer to him verrrry slowly, one seat at a time.

he’ll never know what hit him

And when you’re sitting next to him, take a sip from his soda and say,” I’m glad you could make it”.

when you’re close enough to him, whisper ”HAIL HYDRA” in his ear

this is why we are all single

(Source: ineffably-crowley, via confusedlucifer)

richgaaaang:

fat isn’t an insult skinny isn’t a compliment they’re just words describing body types please drill that in your heads

(via bastille)

argylesbian:

WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK I WAS GONNA GO TO SLEEP BUT I OPENED MY EYES AND TURNED ON MY PHONE TO REVEAL A SPIDER CRAWLING ON MY BLANKET BY MY FACE. I WAS PROBABLY GONMA EAT THAT SPIDER IN MY SLEEP. AM I THE STATISTICAL ERROR? AM I SPIDER GEORG? HAVE I BEEN EATING 10,000 SPIDERS EVERY DAY? I AM AN OUTLIER ADN SHOULD NOT HAVE BEEN COUNTED

(Source: rnashpotato, via confusedlucifer)